So I haven't had a post in 3 months. This is what has been going on.
On Sunday, March 1st I had our I-800A all set to be dropped off at FedEx Monday morning, destination the Immigration lock box in Chicago, IL. Monday morning I came down with the flu, which persisted through Wednesday. Finally, on Thursday morning, I woke up at 5:30 a.m. and started getting ready for work. After I got out of the shower and started with my makeup, I thought I better throw something in the garbage that I had forgotten about. I went to throw the item in the garbage, but just before I released my fingers......
It was an at-home pregnancy test. With a plus sign. GASP! I did not expect this. I was just taking my quarterly test, since my cycles are unpredictable it's become routine...I honestly didn't think my "flu" was actually pregnancy symptoms! Complete shock, disbelief, and panic followed. I rushed into the bedroom where Ryley was sleeping and woke him up with the news. I started crying, more panic, more shock. Quickly finished getting ready for work and stopped off at a store to get another test on my way there. Took the test when I arrived at the office...mind you, I am the first one there. Positive. I call Ryley..."I'm still pregnant." It's 7:30 a.m. by this time, and I call the clinic. "I have two tests that say I'm pregnant. I've never done this before, what do I do now?" They tell me to come in for lab work at 11:00 a.m.
The morning rushes by in a blur, and there I am at the doctor's office. They give me a cup to pee in. I said, "I'm sorry, I don't want to urinate in this cup. Is this necessary? I've already peed on 2 sticks that say I'm pregnant. Is there someone I can talk to about what I'm supposed to do? It's okay if I have to wait a week, but I just want to see a nurse or doctor."
5 minutes later, I'm laying on the exam table...seeing the fetus on the screen, hearing its heartbeat. The doctor was saying, "How long have you and your husband been trying?" Since never. She says, "Oh it's so exciting!" I started crying. I'm sorry I'm not excited right now! I took my ultrasound pictures and went back to the office.
That was almost 3 months ago! It's hard to believe how much has changed already. I want you to know that I never wished (even in the middle of my panic and shock) that this baby didn't happen. It's just that we were doing everything to prevent it because we felt called to adopt our firstborn. Not that we never wanted biological children. And if we were allowed to continue pursuing the adoption, we would have continued without hesitation. But our agency (and many agencies, from what I understand) would not allow that. What I had emotionally invested and planned on, all the work we had been through to get to that point...an afterthought being the money that we had put in. I needed a few weeks to adjust.
God has always had a bigger plan than I can imagine. My husband and I both agree that adoption is still a desire of our heart, and we hope it happens for us down the road. We are still brokenhearted for the precious children without homes. And now, God willing, we will have a sweet baby sometime this fall. It has been a challenge to my faith to understand, and I still don't understand. But I do know what an immense blessing this child is and will be. I know that the good Lord created this baby, despite all our prevention, and this child is meant to be our firstborn. This child was created to be ours. And how can we argue with that?
We are looking forward to starting our family! A little quicker than we had anticipated because of the adoption timeline...but God is so good!
Friday, May 22, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
The process...and dogs
For those of you wondering where we're at in the process, we received a draft of our adoption study (aka home study) last week, sent the corrections to our Social Worker, and should receive the final legal document this week (hopefully). Our I-800A is ready to be sent of to the USCIS (U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services), and we will do just that as soon as we receive the final adoption study.
And if you're wondering what an I-800A is: it is an application for determination of suitability to adopt a child from a different country. The particular country we are applying to adopt from, according to our agency's country program specialist, requires by law that this application be approved in the U.S. before we can submit our dossier to that country. And so...word on the street is that our I-800A will take 3-4 months to be processed. Once approved, we will send our dossier to the country and hopefully be accepted to their list of waiting families. And then the wait for a referral begins. Our agency estimates 9-12 months for a referral (after we are on the official waiting list), and then 5-8 months after we accept a referral until the child is ready to travel. So we are being conservative and going with the longest scenario, planning on a 2 year wait. Of course, international adoption is unpredictable, and we aren't even on a waiting list yet, so this is why I am not ready to put on our blog which country we believe our child is from. Many of you know, anyway.
In the meantime, I wake up each morning with a longing in my heart for this child who I pray unceasingly for. The idea of waiting for 2 years gets me down sometimes. But then, I just ask God to pour out his Spirit on my life and heart, and that He will use me. God always meets me where I'm at...whether it be through Scripture, loving words from my husband, or encouragement through new "blog friends" who are somewhere in their adoption journey. And as for the God using me part...more on that in a different post, as I really want to share what the Lord is doing in my life.
So, while we wait...here's some doggy pictures from the last month.
Dale came to visit!!! Left to Right: Maddy, Macy, and Dale. Maddy is the mama to Macy and Dale. Dale's owner is my stepsister, Rachel. In this picture, they are eating ice cream for dogs called "Frosty Paws." I know my girls would have less happy life without their ice cream...haha.
Dale, Maddy, and Macy...waiting for their ice cream.
Dale, Maddy, Macy...just lounging.
Macy, Maddy, and me. We are champion snugglers.
We call Ryley our "papa." He's a good papa...he made ants on a log for us girls. I forgot until after ate them that dogs are not supposed to have grapes...or the dehydrated version.
And if you're wondering what an I-800A is: it is an application for determination of suitability to adopt a child from a different country. The particular country we are applying to adopt from, according to our agency's country program specialist, requires by law that this application be approved in the U.S. before we can submit our dossier to that country. And so...word on the street is that our I-800A will take 3-4 months to be processed. Once approved, we will send our dossier to the country and hopefully be accepted to their list of waiting families. And then the wait for a referral begins. Our agency estimates 9-12 months for a referral (after we are on the official waiting list), and then 5-8 months after we accept a referral until the child is ready to travel. So we are being conservative and going with the longest scenario, planning on a 2 year wait. Of course, international adoption is unpredictable, and we aren't even on a waiting list yet, so this is why I am not ready to put on our blog which country we believe our child is from. Many of you know, anyway.
In the meantime, I wake up each morning with a longing in my heart for this child who I pray unceasingly for. The idea of waiting for 2 years gets me down sometimes. But then, I just ask God to pour out his Spirit on my life and heart, and that He will use me. God always meets me where I'm at...whether it be through Scripture, loving words from my husband, or encouragement through new "blog friends" who are somewhere in their adoption journey. And as for the God using me part...more on that in a different post, as I really want to share what the Lord is doing in my life.
So, while we wait...here's some doggy pictures from the last month.
Dale came to visit!!! Left to Right: Maddy, Macy, and Dale. Maddy is the mama to Macy and Dale. Dale's owner is my stepsister, Rachel. In this picture, they are eating ice cream for dogs called "Frosty Paws." I know my girls would have less happy life without their ice cream...haha.
Dale, Maddy, and Macy...waiting for their ice cream.
Dale, Maddy, Macy...just lounging. 
Macy, Maddy, and me. We are champion snugglers.
We call Ryley our "papa." He's a good papa...he made ants on a log for us girls. I forgot until after ate them that dogs are not supposed to have grapes...or the dehydrated version.And so, we settle in for another work week. Walleye fishing season ends today, so we are about to head out to the ice shack for one last hurrah. Then my dad will be making his way over here at the end of the week for a guys' weekend...the boys will be heading to South Dakota to do some more ice fishing. I think Ryley will enjoy his fishing time without his girls bugging him...but I know he'll miss us. I'm so thankful that Ryley and my dad are good friends.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Holiday in Jamaica
Finally posting pictures from our vacation in January. There is one picture in this set of our good friends, Ryan and Marianne, who took care of Maddy and Macy for 8 nights. Which is amazing to me...they already have 2 great danes of their own, 2 cats, and a baby! It was so nice to know that our dogs were well taken care of, though...
Ryley and I had a great time in Jamaica, and it was such a blessing to have a whole week together. We were very stressed out before we went. Our first home study visit, as I mentioned, was the day before our flight was scheduled to depart for Montego Bay.
On that afternoon of our meeting with our Social Worker, she informed us of a program that was opening up, an opportunity to adopt from Ecuador. Right now, Children's Home is the only U.S. agency that can facilitate adoptions from Ecuador. She said the program was looking for around 10 families for referrals that would be occurring in March and April. We were so confused, as all of a sudden so many options had opened up.
Anyway, our adoption was and remains to be at the forefront of our minds. So getting away with my best friend to relax and enjoy ourselves really couldn't have come at a better time. We truly did focus on our love for each other while we were away from reality. Oh, and by the way, we did not go with the Ecuador program, as tempting as it was to potentially receive a referral so quickly.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
FINALLY telling my in-laws...
We are getting ready to share our plans to start a family with Ryley's parents tonight! I'm very excited and nervous, all at the same time. I have left the timing of this announcement up to Ryley, and now it's finally here. They at least have some indication of our desire to adopt, as it has been mentioned before, but they have no knowledge that we are actually moving forward.
After we tell them, I feel like we can share this news with the "general public." Although, I struggle on how private we should be...especially since this will be a long road ahead and it seems almost trivial to share something that will (hopefully) happen two years from now. But I dream of this child every day, so it's all very real to me.
I look forward to sharing the country program we have applied to soon, along with all the details. Although I still haven't shared this blog with very many people...
After we tell them, I feel like we can share this news with the "general public." Although, I struggle on how private we should be...especially since this will be a long road ahead and it seems almost trivial to share something that will (hopefully) happen two years from now. But I dream of this child every day, so it's all very real to me.
I look forward to sharing the country program we have applied to soon, along with all the details. Although I still haven't shared this blog with very many people...
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Waiting on God
We are waiting on God to give us clear direction in our adoption journey. We have been praying, discussing, and listening. It's frustrating, but I am confident that God will light our path. That at the end of this path, we will meet our precious firstborn, and this child will be who God has planned for us, and we will be blessed.
For those wondering about where we're at in the process. Our first adoption study meeting is this Thursday, January 8th at the agency. We will be staying overnight in the Twin Cities to catch our plane on Friday morning for a vacation we have been planning for the past year. We get back to Minnesota on January 16th, and then our in-home meeting with our social worker is scheduled for Tuesday, January 20th. Exciting times! We are expecting to announce our plans to everyone soon, and hopefully be able to tell everyone the program we are applying to. After January 20th, we will be working on country program specific paperwork and documentation.
God continues to work, to provide, to surround us with reaffirmation and comfort through friends, conversations, and sweet moments together dreaming of starting a family. I continue to be amazed at how God surrounds me with His love, specifically how He provides encouragement at the exact moment I need it. There have been a few times in the past few weeks that I've broken down. When I look at the uncertainty of what's ahead, sometimes I grow impatient. The desire to be a mama wells up in my heart with each passing day...and the prospect of waiting up to 2 years to bring home our child overwhelms me. What would I do with myself for that long? The answer has come to me. I will fix my eyes on God, commit to serving wherever He calls me, and trust in His timing.
Oh, and maybe get another puppy or kitty to occupy my maternal instincts...and enjoy my friend's children.
Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.
For those wondering about where we're at in the process. Our first adoption study meeting is this Thursday, January 8th at the agency. We will be staying overnight in the Twin Cities to catch our plane on Friday morning for a vacation we have been planning for the past year. We get back to Minnesota on January 16th, and then our in-home meeting with our social worker is scheduled for Tuesday, January 20th. Exciting times! We are expecting to announce our plans to everyone soon, and hopefully be able to tell everyone the program we are applying to. After January 20th, we will be working on country program specific paperwork and documentation.
God continues to work, to provide, to surround us with reaffirmation and comfort through friends, conversations, and sweet moments together dreaming of starting a family. I continue to be amazed at how God surrounds me with His love, specifically how He provides encouragement at the exact moment I need it. There have been a few times in the past few weeks that I've broken down. When I look at the uncertainty of what's ahead, sometimes I grow impatient. The desire to be a mama wells up in my heart with each passing day...and the prospect of waiting up to 2 years to bring home our child overwhelms me. What would I do with myself for that long? The answer has come to me. I will fix my eyes on God, commit to serving wherever He calls me, and trust in His timing.
Oh, and maybe get another puppy or kitty to occupy my maternal instincts...and enjoy my friend's children.
Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Home From PAC...Choosing Our Path
We were incredibly blessed by attending the 2-day Pre-Adoption Class. We were challenged and reaffirmed by the information and material that was presented. To give you just a little bit of an idea of what the days were like: we were assigned a "small group" that had a social worker as the facilitator. She did a lot of teaching and we did some exercises in getting to know other couples, talking through the questions and challenges of adopting, and race issues. There were also large groups that included panels of birth mothers/adoptees/adoptive families, videos about attachment issues which included actual footage of the children waiting in orphanages around the world, videos and presentations on race and culture issues. Lots and lots of information.
But something happened when we were in St. Paul. My husband really came alive. The first day I was so happy to see him asking questions and engaging people. The second day there were sessions that were country program specific. We had signed up for the country program we had decided on. But at the last minute, I mean literally within 10 minutes of the session starting, he asked if he could go on his own to another country program session. And so he went, while I stayed in the other session.
When we met back up I had lots of questions about what he had learned. He told me he would share with me on our way home, which was in 5 hours.
We went to dinner. He shared his heart, explained his feelings from all angles. To give you just a little bit of an idea, the country program he is interested is extremely unpredictable, requires more work on our part, and is actually a pilot program. The country program we have been planning on is extremely predictable and comparitively easier than virtually all other international programs, in our opinion. I was so touched by Ryley's sentiment and drawing to this other program. So now we are faced with a choice. We will move forward, but we are unsure about where our child is. My husband is completely prepared for a difficult road ahead if we choose this other country program. He is willing to endure anything to find his child. And I am absolutely inspired about my husband's heart for the orphans. I can't wait to see where God leads us, how He will grow our family.
Psalm 25:4, 12 Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths;...Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD? He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.
Hebrews 11:8 By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.
But something happened when we were in St. Paul. My husband really came alive. The first day I was so happy to see him asking questions and engaging people. The second day there were sessions that were country program specific. We had signed up for the country program we had decided on. But at the last minute, I mean literally within 10 minutes of the session starting, he asked if he could go on his own to another country program session. And so he went, while I stayed in the other session.
When we met back up I had lots of questions about what he had learned. He told me he would share with me on our way home, which was in 5 hours.
We went to dinner. He shared his heart, explained his feelings from all angles. To give you just a little bit of an idea, the country program he is interested is extremely unpredictable, requires more work on our part, and is actually a pilot program. The country program we have been planning on is extremely predictable and comparitively easier than virtually all other international programs, in our opinion. I was so touched by Ryley's sentiment and drawing to this other program. So now we are faced with a choice. We will move forward, but we are unsure about where our child is. My husband is completely prepared for a difficult road ahead if we choose this other country program. He is willing to endure anything to find his child. And I am absolutely inspired about my husband's heart for the orphans. I can't wait to see where God leads us, how He will grow our family.
Psalm 25:4, 12 Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths;...Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD? He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.
Hebrews 11:8 By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.
Monday, December 8, 2008
PAC Dec. 18 & 19
We received our invitation to attend our required pre-adoption class on Nov. 28th! I just got off the phone with the Director of Social Work at Children's Home Society who has reviewed our application and even presented our file to the country program we are hoping for, and they both agreed that we are excellent candidates for adopting! God is so good...I've been worried about a brush with the law that occurred when I was 19, and it appears this won't be an issue for the program we are interested in. We've also been struggling with cash flow issues, as we have a lot of expenses this time of year (including taxes on Ryley's farm income). To make a long story short, I know God will provide and it will work out...it's just difficult to not be able to see how. But that's what faith is, right? His timing is perfect.
We were able to share the news of our plans to adopt with a few of our friends at Lake Community Church yesterday, and we were very blessed by that! Our dear friend, Anna, even prayed over us. I am always amazed at the power of speaking a prayer over someone. And then I was able to share an intimate conversation with Deb, who we haven't had a whole lot of time to get to know...but she is a mother that I will strive to be like. She has a deep love for her children, and anyone she comes into contact with, for that matter! Both Anna and Deb are so compassionate, and I am always reminded of who Jesus is in their presence.
Ryley was able to go ice fishing again yesterday with our friend, John. My sweet husband has had such a stressful few months, and I could tell his demeanor was more relaxed when he got home from fishing. I am very much looking forward to the harvest being done! Hopefully this week, although we are supposed to get 3-6 inches of snow in the next 24 hours.
Thanks to everyone who has been encouraging and praying for us. We are so blessed.
Deuteronomy 7:9 Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands.
We were able to share the news of our plans to adopt with a few of our friends at Lake Community Church yesterday, and we were very blessed by that! Our dear friend, Anna, even prayed over us. I am always amazed at the power of speaking a prayer over someone. And then I was able to share an intimate conversation with Deb, who we haven't had a whole lot of time to get to know...but she is a mother that I will strive to be like. She has a deep love for her children, and anyone she comes into contact with, for that matter! Both Anna and Deb are so compassionate, and I am always reminded of who Jesus is in their presence.
Ryley was able to go ice fishing again yesterday with our friend, John. My sweet husband has had such a stressful few months, and I could tell his demeanor was more relaxed when he got home from fishing. I am very much looking forward to the harvest being done! Hopefully this week, although we are supposed to get 3-6 inches of snow in the next 24 hours.
Thanks to everyone who has been encouraging and praying for us. We are so blessed.
Deuteronomy 7:9 Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
No Real News
Heading into the Holiday season...and thinking this might be our last Christmas without a child! Found this picture from last Christmas - it makes me laugh because Macy is still a little girl in this picture. It was such a good Christmas because Ryley let me keep one of Maddy's pups. I'm just reflecting on how much has changed since last year...when adopting was just an idea. And now God seems to be confirming that this is His plan for our family. 
Here are some pictures from a visit this past weekend with my friend, Marianne! This was the first time I met her precious baby boy, Benjamin. He is seriously the most smiley, happy baby I've ever met. It was also so fun to see Marianne's great danes, Lucy and Ethel...who are great friends of Maddy and Macy.
Marianne and her husband, Ryan were a great help in easing my worries about our adoption plans. They were quick to offer advice and let me borrow a book on transracial adoption. Amidst all the worry over finances and this process, it was a much needed encouragement...I only wish that Ryley could have shared that sentiment with me. He was busy working away in the field.
I got a call from the application specialist at CHS yesterday. She said our application is complete and in good order. Apparently the lady that gives it the final review is in Ethiopia this week, so we will hear back next week. But the app specialist said she is fairly confident that we will be able to attend the adoption workshop (PAC) on December 18 & 19. This is very good news for us, as we will be on a vacation over the scheduled January PAC, so that would have pushed us back to attending the workshop in February. Once we complete this class, along with a 7-10 page "essay" about ourselves (yes, Ryley has to do his own!), then we will be ready for our homestudy, God willing.
I was so worried about whether or not we would make it into the December class (there's still a chance we won't). I have a minor incident, a brush with the law, that is proving to follow me wherever I go in life. I am still scared that because of the company I chose years ago, my husband also has to pay the price if our desire to adopt is compromised. But then again...God is bigger than all of that.
Thanks to those of you who have been covering our plans with prayer. Becoming a parent is something so surreal right now...it's not just something I want...it's my purpose. I truly feel like being the parent of a child who doesn't look like me is my purpose and blessing in this life.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Promises
I accidentally told you our application had been sent out...but that wasn't true. I forgot we had to include a picture, and ever since I got a digital camera I haven't had any prints made! So that and the fact that there was no mail yesterday in observance of Veteran's Day delayed that step a little.
Today started out wonderfully.
I began my day meeting my sweet friend, Nicole for coffee. After good conversation and being encouraged, I headed to the office. My boss arrived and we had a good, positive discussion - about professional and personal matters - which hadn't happened in awhile. As you can imagine, working in a financial planning and investment business things have been stressful these past months, to say the least. So it was refreshing and motivating to start off our day at work on that note. On my lunch break, I picked up my picture that was to be included in our application package. I was on the phone with my dear Debi, who offered a prayer of joy and favor over our plans just seconds before I slipped the envelope into the mailbox. I was shaking with excitement and hope...and thinking to myself, "it's going to be a long year!" At the very beginning, and I can hardly contain my emotions.
The Dow was down 411 points today. These past two weeks have been discouraging on so many levels. But this was a good day. After work, I stopped by the library and picked up a few books on the history of the country we are hoping to adopt from. I got in my pickup, and my thoughts were that of hope for our future. I was thinking about God's promises, and reflecting on the fact that He placed this desire in our hearts for our plan of a family. I could just hear Him saying, "I know the plans I have for you..." and I was in communion with Him, at peace believing He knows what He's doing. All I have to do is be faithful and watch His beautiful plan for our marriage and family unfold.
You see, the devil loves to put doubt and fear into my head about this decision we've made. I feel like evil has been assailing me these past two weeks. Most of it has to do with financial aspects, which I am usually worrying about no matter what the season in my life. But I was savoring my thoughts about how God is faithful and good, and these plans He has for our lives will bring us blessings. Our job is to be obedient and steadfast in carrying out what we were called to do.
Feeling at peace and being full of joy that our application was in the mail, I called up Ryley on my drive home to let him know. Instead of sharing in my joy, he was very quiet. I asked him if he was excited, and all that he can think about is the grain market, which has been slashed in half in the past two months. All summer we had high hopes for a good harvest and market to sell our crops. Usually the guys are nearing the end in the field by now...but this year, they've barely begun. It's been raining or snowing for almost every week since the middle of September, which makes it impossible to get into the fields to harvest our crop. As most men, Ryley carries a burden to provide for me and his future family. And now that things are looking grim for our harvest, I know he is struggling with doubt that now is the time for us to come up with an estimated $30,000 to start our family.
I arrived home, feeling a little discouraged. I opened my door and gasped.... Since we've decided to move forward with this process, I have resolved not to spend money on frivolous things. I have been wanting some garland to dress up my kitchen for fall...but waited until mid-November to buy it because it would be on sale. So last week I found two very pretty garlands...the kind that look like they have little blossoms that are usually made of styrofoam, but these were the more expensive and durable plastic kind...for less than $10. I had set them on the dining room table, careful not to let them hang over the edge. Back to the gasping... Well, the dogs were inside today because of the rain...and Macy had pulled them down and shredded them well beyond repair.
That was it. I was SO ANGRY that my happy, fruitful day had so quickly went sour. I yelled at both the dogs even though Macy was the only guilty one (she's the younger one...and mama Maddy has not gotten into trouble for a few years now). I banished them both to their crate (they were huddled together in it, even though it's only meant for one). I went about cleaning up Macy's little escapade, which was strewn all over the house. Halfway into it, I just started letting my tears roll. And in that moment of weakness, I was reminded that those thoughts I had had earlier...you know, the encouraging, promising ones about my future...were from the Lord. He knew I was going to be confronted with this today. He knew I needed a pep talk. And today I know I heard from my Father.
I am praying that our ears and hearts will continue to be open to this reassurance from our loving, faithful Lord...we have to continue to believe He will keep His promises, no matter what wrenches the enemy throws into the plans. And from now on, I want to encourage those who are trying to live out the life God has called them to. You never know when someone is being attacked. Keep the faith.
Acts 2:39 The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off—for all whom the Lord our God will call.
Hebrews 10:23-25
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
Today started out wonderfully.
I began my day meeting my sweet friend, Nicole for coffee. After good conversation and being encouraged, I headed to the office. My boss arrived and we had a good, positive discussion - about professional and personal matters - which hadn't happened in awhile. As you can imagine, working in a financial planning and investment business things have been stressful these past months, to say the least. So it was refreshing and motivating to start off our day at work on that note. On my lunch break, I picked up my picture that was to be included in our application package. I was on the phone with my dear Debi, who offered a prayer of joy and favor over our plans just seconds before I slipped the envelope into the mailbox. I was shaking with excitement and hope...and thinking to myself, "it's going to be a long year!" At the very beginning, and I can hardly contain my emotions.
The Dow was down 411 points today. These past two weeks have been discouraging on so many levels. But this was a good day. After work, I stopped by the library and picked up a few books on the history of the country we are hoping to adopt from. I got in my pickup, and my thoughts were that of hope for our future. I was thinking about God's promises, and reflecting on the fact that He placed this desire in our hearts for our plan of a family. I could just hear Him saying, "I know the plans I have for you..." and I was in communion with Him, at peace believing He knows what He's doing. All I have to do is be faithful and watch His beautiful plan for our marriage and family unfold.
You see, the devil loves to put doubt and fear into my head about this decision we've made. I feel like evil has been assailing me these past two weeks. Most of it has to do with financial aspects, which I am usually worrying about no matter what the season in my life. But I was savoring my thoughts about how God is faithful and good, and these plans He has for our lives will bring us blessings. Our job is to be obedient and steadfast in carrying out what we were called to do.
Feeling at peace and being full of joy that our application was in the mail, I called up Ryley on my drive home to let him know. Instead of sharing in my joy, he was very quiet. I asked him if he was excited, and all that he can think about is the grain market, which has been slashed in half in the past two months. All summer we had high hopes for a good harvest and market to sell our crops. Usually the guys are nearing the end in the field by now...but this year, they've barely begun. It's been raining or snowing for almost every week since the middle of September, which makes it impossible to get into the fields to harvest our crop. As most men, Ryley carries a burden to provide for me and his future family. And now that things are looking grim for our harvest, I know he is struggling with doubt that now is the time for us to come up with an estimated $30,000 to start our family.
I arrived home, feeling a little discouraged. I opened my door and gasped.... Since we've decided to move forward with this process, I have resolved not to spend money on frivolous things. I have been wanting some garland to dress up my kitchen for fall...but waited until mid-November to buy it because it would be on sale. So last week I found two very pretty garlands...the kind that look like they have little blossoms that are usually made of styrofoam, but these were the more expensive and durable plastic kind...for less than $10. I had set them on the dining room table, careful not to let them hang over the edge. Back to the gasping... Well, the dogs were inside today because of the rain...and Macy had pulled them down and shredded them well beyond repair.
That was it. I was SO ANGRY that my happy, fruitful day had so quickly went sour. I yelled at both the dogs even though Macy was the only guilty one (she's the younger one...and mama Maddy has not gotten into trouble for a few years now). I banished them both to their crate (they were huddled together in it, even though it's only meant for one). I went about cleaning up Macy's little escapade, which was strewn all over the house. Halfway into it, I just started letting my tears roll. And in that moment of weakness, I was reminded that those thoughts I had had earlier...you know, the encouraging, promising ones about my future...were from the Lord. He knew I was going to be confronted with this today. He knew I needed a pep talk. And today I know I heard from my Father.
I am praying that our ears and hearts will continue to be open to this reassurance from our loving, faithful Lord...we have to continue to believe He will keep His promises, no matter what wrenches the enemy throws into the plans. And from now on, I want to encourage those who are trying to live out the life God has called them to. You never know when someone is being attacked. Keep the faith.
Acts 2:39 The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off—for all whom the Lord our God will call.
Hebrews 10:23-25
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
The First Real Step
We have finally sent in our adoption application package. It's crazy to think we're at the very beginning of the actual process, even though we've been thinking, praying, and talking about it nonstop for the past nine months. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this process, we attended an information meeting, then filled out a registration form and sent it to CHS. They sent us our application about 3 weeks ago.
We answered a lot of questions about ourselves, including our background information, employment history, previous residence history, and information about our current home. We were also asked to explain the child we are hoping to adopt. We had to list three unrelated references and ask those people to write letters about our character and how we relate to one another. We also had to visit our doctors and have them fill out a medical report, include copies of our birth certificates and marriage license, and finally we got fingerprinted. Oh, and don't forget the $500 application fee. It was a lot...but it's only the tip of the iceberg, really.
Many thanks to the following people for writing letters for us: my boss, Josh - our dear friend, Chrissy - and our neighbors, Floyd & Iris. We very much look forward to sharing this journey with all of you...you have all been amazing friends to Ryley and me!
So, what next? We send in our application, and God willing, we will get invited to a 2-day adoption workshop. To the best of our understanding, a $2,400 fee will be due before we attend this class. We are hoping that our application will be processed in time for us to attend the December class, which according to their website is the 3rd Thursday & Friday of each month. We have vacation plans (that we planned 8 months ago) in January that will make us unavailable for the class that month...so we are definitely hoping we don't delay the process by having to wait until February. After the class is completed, we will begin our home study with a social worker, which takes a couple of months. Another $5,400 will be due by the end of our home study. So as you can see, we have a lot of upcoming fees! There will be many smaller fees along the way. But after our home study is complete, they will send it to the country we are hoping to adopt from and hopefully we will be accepted and placed on the waiting list. God willing, we will receive a referral under a year after that. If we do, we would travel to bring our baby home...and there would be a substantial fee due to that country when the process is completed.
Some of you know which country we have decided on. I'm choosing to keep that information off the blog for now, just in case things change. In the past, we had gotten very attached to the idea of adopting from Peru...and then we found out they were no longer taking applicants for children under age 5, and we were heartbroken.
If all goes as planned, we will hopefully have our firstborn by next Christmas! But the adoption process can always change, so we are trying to keep that in mind. We are praying fervently, because if things move along according to the timeline for the country we're interested in adopting from, our baby has likely been conceived. That just blows my mind. We are praying that God will prepare our little one's heart now, while in the womb, for the challenges he or she will face. We are aware that when the day comes to bring our precious child home, there were likely be attachment issues, as he or she will probably be around 9 months old. May God give him or her peace through the transition...and give us strength to stay the course through our adoption journey. I am getting ahead of myself here...so all of this is God willing. It's in your hands, Lord, and we are trusting that You have a perfect plan for our family.
We answered a lot of questions about ourselves, including our background information, employment history, previous residence history, and information about our current home. We were also asked to explain the child we are hoping to adopt. We had to list three unrelated references and ask those people to write letters about our character and how we relate to one another. We also had to visit our doctors and have them fill out a medical report, include copies of our birth certificates and marriage license, and finally we got fingerprinted. Oh, and don't forget the $500 application fee. It was a lot...but it's only the tip of the iceberg, really.
Many thanks to the following people for writing letters for us: my boss, Josh - our dear friend, Chrissy - and our neighbors, Floyd & Iris. We very much look forward to sharing this journey with all of you...you have all been amazing friends to Ryley and me!
So, what next? We send in our application, and God willing, we will get invited to a 2-day adoption workshop. To the best of our understanding, a $2,400 fee will be due before we attend this class. We are hoping that our application will be processed in time for us to attend the December class, which according to their website is the 3rd Thursday & Friday of each month. We have vacation plans (that we planned 8 months ago) in January that will make us unavailable for the class that month...so we are definitely hoping we don't delay the process by having to wait until February. After the class is completed, we will begin our home study with a social worker, which takes a couple of months. Another $5,400 will be due by the end of our home study. So as you can see, we have a lot of upcoming fees! There will be many smaller fees along the way. But after our home study is complete, they will send it to the country we are hoping to adopt from and hopefully we will be accepted and placed on the waiting list. God willing, we will receive a referral under a year after that. If we do, we would travel to bring our baby home...and there would be a substantial fee due to that country when the process is completed.
Some of you know which country we have decided on. I'm choosing to keep that information off the blog for now, just in case things change. In the past, we had gotten very attached to the idea of adopting from Peru...and then we found out they were no longer taking applicants for children under age 5, and we were heartbroken.
If all goes as planned, we will hopefully have our firstborn by next Christmas! But the adoption process can always change, so we are trying to keep that in mind. We are praying fervently, because if things move along according to the timeline for the country we're interested in adopting from, our baby has likely been conceived. That just blows my mind. We are praying that God will prepare our little one's heart now, while in the womb, for the challenges he or she will face. We are aware that when the day comes to bring our precious child home, there were likely be attachment issues, as he or she will probably be around 9 months old. May God give him or her peace through the transition...and give us strength to stay the course through our adoption journey. I am getting ahead of myself here...so all of this is God willing. It's in your hands, Lord, and we are trusting that You have a perfect plan for our family.
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