Caught in the Act

I'm still playing catch-up here on some of my favorite photos. These are from September 9th. That morning I was in the living room, folding clothes, when suddenly it was very quiet. I found Sawyer in his cabinet (where I keep all his food-related items).

Oh hi ma.

I'm just eating these here baby puffs I found.

I do what I want.

Mischief at its finest.

A handful is barely enough

Are they in?

So 12 photos on one minor event, but I can't resist. His different expressions are priceless to me!

"Baby Joseph"

This probably isn't very interesting to anyone else but Debi, but I promised to ut these pictures up. So here's the backdrop to this story. Sawyer and I made the journey to Wisconsin one weekend. His Memaw enjoys doing everything with him, including helping out with bath time.

She was snuggling him in his towel, and her purple headband happened to come out of her hair. So she put it on Sawyer's head and called him "Baby Joseph." It was too funny. Then she paraded him around, singing songs. He loved it.

Showing Bumpa

Hamming it up

He thoroughly enjoyed the attention

His wrinkled nose look

LOVE!

Lead Me With Strong Hands - Part 1

Lead me with strong hands

Stand up when I can't

Don't leave me hungry for love

Chasing dreams

But what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight

That I'm still the love of your life

I know we call this our home

But I still feel alone

The first time I heard this song, Sawyer and I had stopped to take a break from driving, en route to my dad's house in Wisconsin. It doesn't happen very often that a song really speaks to my heart. I love that about music... I have a few songs that were themes to different chapters in my life. When I hear an old "soundtrack" to my life, it always brings me back, and often reminds me of how much the good Lord has done in my life.

Anyway, I've been thinking a lot in this season of my life about how fathers and husbands so greatly affect the lives of children and wives (the message of the song). When I feel like Ryley is giving me the attention, affection, and encouragement I desire from him, I feel like I can conquer the world; there is no person on earth that can boost my confidence like he can.

Additionally, I think about the impact he will have on the direction of Sawyer's and our future children's lives. Ryley has such a crucial job to do as a father who loves God. And God lays out a blueprint for doing that job well through His Word and His Spirit. Of course, Ryley will make mistakes, and God's grace will cover those.

Those thoughts lead to how my father affected my life. There are harsh words that still ring in my ears from my childhood... remind me of how my dad could not usually control his anger. And I don't say this to put my dad down; none of us do a perfect job. Though it wasn't until my adult years that I really felt I had a good relationship with my dad, I have watched him surrender his heart to God and begin to change and respond to the needs of those around him. I have so much respect and adoration for how far he's come. He has not had an easy life: a tumultuous childhood, including having only met his father once when he was in his mid-twenties. Losing his high school sweetheart who became his wife at age 41, left with two teenagers. The transformation I have witnessed in his life, especially in the last 10 years, has been amazing, glory to God.

Back to me and my dad. When I was growing up, even though he was hard on my sometimes, I remember how devoted he was. He has always made sacrifices for me; paying for college when the medical bills from my mom's sickness and passing were piled up. Hanging pictures, building a deck, and countless other things he's done since I've been married that Ryley was too busy for. When Sawyer was born he was there to take care of the house while we were in the hospital for 5 days and Ryley was working. When we came home from the hospital, I was still fairly weak and couldn't get around well... he stayed for nearly a week, cooking and cleaning, taking care of me. Without him, I would've been completely on my own.

And now, I notice how every time he looks at me, I can see how proud he is of me. Of course I don't deserve it, and I feel lucky to have a father who would absolutely go to the ends of the earth for me. I wonder if one ever stops seeking their father's approval... how many actually get it?

You guessed it, take it a step further. How much does our Father in heaven love us? Adore us? Want to do good things for us, take care of us? Even though we are undeserving, even though we fail. And so our earthly fathers must look to the only perfect Father-God, to mirror Him in their relationships with their children and wives.

So I'm praying for dads today, and thanking my Father for my dad.

What's Troubling You?

Do you worry and wonder a lot? About finances? Relationships? Your future?

I tend to be one of those people who, when I get a new idea in my head... (adoption, vacation, house hunting, my marriage, etc.) I tend to focus so much of my time on the particular issue of the moment, whether it be through research, worry, or just thinking about it.

In an attempt to balance my life, I've been really trying to look beyond thoughts that can dominate my mind (whether they are commendable or completely selfish). Of course, it's easy to pick out the thoughts that are completely self-serving... I want a different house, but I certainly don't need one. And really, time spent dreaming of a new home does not change or benefit anything.

But then, I have spent so much time on and off in the past few years on the idea of adoption. Looking at different agencies, programs, etc. While it is good to care about orphans around the world, I'm not sure that spending huge blocks of time on it really benefits me at this point. It certainly hasn't led to anything! While I of course still have a burden on my heart to care for orphans, I certainly want it to be directed in a way that actually helps those abandoned, precious children out there. And I also don't want to neglect my own child in my "obsession" with wondering whether I will have the privilege of adopting one day.

At this season in my life, while my husband toils and worries constantly about harvest, I keep reminding myself to get a new perspective. Back up a bit to harvest... it is raining constantly here, which makes it near impossible to chop silage or combine corn, and also puts the crop in danger of a range of things, including mold on the soybeans which would cause damage that leads to loss. In this farm family, it's hard to escape worry because of farming. Constantly worrying about variables like market prices and weather especially. Right now, as it is raining yet again, I know my husband is out there burdened with frustration and worry. And I have resolved myself to not ask about it, because there's no sense in both of us being in that state of mind.

I've received so many reminders over the past week that check my perspective and challenge me to constantly look at the big picture. 9/11/2001 footage and commentaries. A sweet friend who briefly listened to my frustration about the rain and the affect on the crop, who shared with me that she felt led to pray for Ryley's safety. And think about that - of course I'd rather him live to see another harvest than make any amount of profit from farming.

Most sobering was my conversation yesterday with a friend who is in the process of sending their dossier to Haiti. In the midst of their wait to bring home their two priceless daughters, an infant and a 2 1/2 year old, I asked if she had received an update on her beautiful girls. Among a few other updates, she was happy that her daughters are now receiving 3 meals a day instead of the 1. And the 3 meals they are now receiving are rice.

Whatever is going on in your life right now, is it really worth worrying about it? My goal this week is to look for opportunities to meet the needs of someone else, and to be sensitive and grateful to the many ways which I am blessed.