So I haven't had a post in 3 months. This is what has been going on.
On Sunday, March 1st I had our I-800A all set to be dropped off at FedEx Monday morning, destination the Immigration lock box in Chicago, IL. Monday morning I came down with the flu, which persisted through Wednesday. Finally, on Thursday morning, I woke up at 5:30 a.m. and started getting ready for work. After I got out of the shower and started with my makeup, I thought I better throw something in the garbage that I had forgotten about. I went to throw the item in the garbage, but just before I released my fingers......
It was an at-home pregnancy test. With a plus sign. GASP! I did not expect this. I was just taking my quarterly test, since my cycles are unpredictable it's become routine...I honestly didn't think my "flu" was actually pregnancy symptoms! Complete shock, disbelief, and panic followed. I rushed into the bedroom where Ryley was sleeping and woke him up with the news. I started crying, more panic, more shock. Quickly finished getting ready for work and stopped off at a store to get another test on my way there. Took the test when I arrived at the office...mind you, I am the first one there. Positive. I call Ryley..."I'm still pregnant." It's 7:30 a.m. by this time, and I call the clinic. "I have two tests that say I'm pregnant. I've never done this before, what do I do now?" They tell me to come in for lab work at 11:00 a.m.
The morning rushes by in a blur, and there I am at the doctor's office. They give me a cup to pee in. I said, "I'm sorry, I don't want to urinate in this cup. Is this necessary? I've already peed on 2 sticks that say I'm pregnant. Is there someone I can talk to about what I'm supposed to do? It's okay if I have to wait a week, but I just want to see a nurse or doctor."
5 minutes later, I'm laying on the exam table...seeing the fetus on the screen, hearing its heartbeat. The doctor was saying, "How long have you and your husband been trying?" Since never. She says, "Oh it's so exciting!" I started crying. I'm sorry I'm not excited right now! I took my ultrasound pictures and went back to the office.
That was almost 3 months ago! It's hard to believe how much has changed already. I want you to know that I never wished (even in the middle of my panic and shock) that this baby didn't happen. It's just that we were doing everything to prevent it because we felt called to adopt our firstborn. Not that we never wanted biological children. And if we were allowed to continue pursuing the adoption, we would have continued without hesitation. But our agency (and many agencies, from what I understand) would not allow that. What I had emotionally invested and planned on, all the work we had been through to get to that point...an afterthought being the money that we had put in. I needed a few weeks to adjust.
God has always had a bigger plan than I can imagine. My husband and I both agree that adoption is still a desire of our heart, and we hope it happens for us down the road. We are still brokenhearted for the precious children without homes. And now, God willing, we will have a sweet baby sometime this fall. It has been a challenge to my faith to understand, and I still don't understand. But I do know what an immense blessing this child is and will be. I know that the good Lord created this baby, despite all our prevention, and this child is meant to be our firstborn. This child was created to be ours. And how can we argue with that?
We are looking forward to starting our family! A little quicker than we had anticipated because of the adoption timeline...but God is so good!
