Blogging Insecurities

He likes to have his snacks sitting on his doggy pillow pet.

He's a fan of peaches.

To those of you who have a blog, do you ever have something to say or share but you never do it because you are afraid of how it might be perceived? I struggle with this a lot. Being honest with my feelings, yet still being deemed likeable. I don't want to be self-absorbed or prideful or whiney. I know I read other people's blogs and sometimes I think to myself, "Really? Is that how you are?" (no one I know personally, so I'm probably not talking about you) And so, I also have a "private blog" set up for writing the truths about my life and feelings that are too dark or controversial for the public.

I also want to be interesting, and write about other things that matter outside of my family. Like the bigger picture, you know? I want to have stuff about cooking or baking, or about politics (Herman Cain for President!) or faith or culture. Besides just how many teeth Sawyer has or what words he's saying. Because that can get old for some people.

I was introduced to a blog less than 2 weeks ago... and granted I haven't read back in her older entries. She is a friend of a friend of a friend, and I feel like I walked with her through her great tragedy of losing her 6-month old son, Owen. But she is brutally honest about how she feels, yet she gives glory to the Lord in so much of her writing. Go HERE for the first post of her tragedy. I feel like I am still carrying a burden around for this woman because I was reading her updates real-time while they happened.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'd like to be less selfish. Like when I was all worried about where we would live and if I would get the house I wanted. I found myself telling my worries to a friend... who is waiting to bring home her two precious daughters from Haiti. Seemed like what I was going through was so very small and insignificant compared to her beautiful daughters in an orphanage. Although she very gracefully reminded me that I shouldn't compare the worries of my life to someone else's... which again made me grateful that I have a God who cares about my small little problems. And friends who care, even if what they're going through is greater than what is going on in my life. I really want to be a better friend to my current friends, and love on people that I don't necessarily like because of my sinful nature. This is me, opening the door for Jesus to flood into those ugly spots in my heart!

Best June So Far?

Before I start the point of this entry, above is a photo from the trip we took to Jamaica in March; I was just under 6 months pregnant. It was a lovely holiday, but 8 nights was a little too long for me to be away from Sawyer.

We will be moving in 2 weeks. We are very much forward to living in Alexandria, instead of 20 minutes out. Although we will very much miss being so close in proximity to Ryley's parents and lots of extended family. Remember my last entry? That dream home... worked out! It looks like it was meant to be; after I struggled with releasing the idea of living there and finally let it go, the sellers started actually negotiating with us. Our new home is on over 20 acres, and it's a larger home... we will be able to comfortably raise a large family there. We are so excited for the change in lifestyle... the country, room to roam for our whole family (including the dogs), and an abundance of space to host family and friends. Now keep in mind that my idea of the ideal home is quite humble, but with that in mind I truly feel like this is our dream home!

Now I am just hoping that this baby, due in 4 weeks, will in fact wait for 4 weeks!

Here's some recent photos of us:


I love his blue eyes! While people often default that he looks like me because of his fair coloring, I can tell he gets his most handsome features from Ryley, like his large eyes and cute nose.


Sawyer has just turned 19 months old. He is quite the character. I think we have a good handle on disciplining him so far... of course, he loves to test those boundaries, but he is usually compliant as we strive to be consistent with him. I think he is very independent... he gets very upset when we try to help him eat. We can tell he has the "I want to do it by myself" mentality.

He loves to give hugs and kisses. Sometimes it borders on awkward for me... the way he will hold my face and press his mouth against mine for a very long time, then pull back only to go right back in for another kiss. He thinks it's a fun game to go back and forth between kissing me and Ryley.

He loves his dogs, but he very much understands that he is higher on the totem pole than they are. He kisses and hugs them, but in the next moment he's commanding them to "sit down" and "no no no." He points his finger at them when he is giving them orders. He also likes to pull Macy around by her collar... and the poor girl is so submissive that she cowers, thinking she's in trouble.

Sawyer loves to look at picture books, as I suppose most children do at this age. He loves to go to the farm and see the cows, saying "hi cows" and "it's a moo!" He has been able to ride in some of the very large tractors this spring without me! I've dropped him off a few times with Ryley while I've run to town, and he sits in the seat very nice. He thinks everything (pickups, tractors, balers, diggers, planters, loaders) is a "car."

He loves to be outside. As I'm writing this, actually, he has a pile of his little size 4 shoes at my feet, and he's trying to put them on me, saying "Let's go! Let's go!" I think his favorite thing in the world, though, are balls. He loves to play catch or some weird form of hockey: where he gathers balls and then hits at them with his bat or any stick that's handy. He is also very good at following directions, picking up small particles of dust and putting them in the garbage, and picking up his toys.

As far as his speech goes, he can say (besides the aforementioned) "puppy," "ball," "baby," "where'd it go?," "please," "outside," and a host of other chatterings. He says "kitty," "cookie," and "turkey," all of which sound like "KEE." Mostly he's talking about cookies. He talks and talks, but I can't always understand what he says. One funny, consistent thing he does... when he is on the changing table, I points to either my round belly or my jugs and says, "baby," but more often than not he says that my jugs or my baby belly is a "ball" or "puppy." He's also very expressive with his hands when he talks, which makes me wish I would have taught him some sign language.

I think every day that this must be the best time in my life... being a fairly young mother of a young child. While my life certainly has its share of minor trials and tribulations, I can't help but feel deeply loved by my Lord and Savior. This is my earthly life... I would have never dreamed that it would be so richly blessed. My cup truly runneth over.

So yes, back to the idea that this might be the best June of my life so far. I turn 29 within the week, move into our new home, and we will celebrate 7 years of marriage. We will also potentially meet our 2nd child, and also our first niece or nephew! A very blessed June, indeed!