Better Days

It was an emotional day for me. Brynja suddenly transformed from my sleepy, easy baby... to one who wanted lots of attention from 11:00 a.m. to 9:00 p.m. with nothing more than a few catnaps. All I had time for was meeting everyone's basic needs, with the exception of myself. I am eating cucumbers and popsicles for supper as I type because I am too tired for anything else.

It broke my heart to not be able to give my babies my full attention today. Brynja was not happy unless she was being held, and Sawyer was constantly pulling on my hand to go play with him. I did not enjoy leaving Brynja upstairs to cry while I was tucking Sawyer in for the night. And I tried hard not to hurry through bedtime. Sawyer did well considering he was somewhat on his own. But this mama did not.

Ryley and I had a conversation a few nights ago about more babies. I am so blessed to have a husband who shares my desire to have more than two children. But after a day like today, I'm just not sure. Will I be able to give more than 2 or 3 children enough attention to do a good job as a mother?

I'm just praying that tonight is a restful one, and that my heart will be open to whatever God wants to teach me tomorrow.

It's a girl!

Brynja Dawn was born on Saturday, July 23rd at 12:27 p.m. She was 7 pounds 14 ounces, 21 1/2 inches.

My midwife broke my water a little after 9:3o a.m., and contractions quickly followed so I did not need to be induced. Ryley and I walked down to the kitchen and I had some strawberry ice cream and peanut butter toast along with some milk. I stopped in between eating to rock back and forth during contractions. About 45 minutes into it I was no longer able to carry on a conversation. The amazing nurse Julie helped me into the tub where I labored for another hour or so to some relaxing music. Things got so intense and I just couldn't catch my breath. I remember the midwife and the nurse asking me questions and I just couldn't respond or couldn't think beyond the pain. I was glad to be able to labor in the water, but I got overheated and got out when I was starting to feel the urge to push.

I really loved that the midwife never checked to see if I was dilated after she broke my water. She just told me to listen to my body. I remember feeling uncertain and wanting more direction, but finally I gave in to what nature was doing and began to push. She was out in less than 15 minutes.

My brain was not able to wrap itself around the idea that it was over. I continued to brace myself for more contractions while my sweet baby girl was lying on my chest. I finally collected myself to ask if anyone told Ryley if it was a boy or a girl. I had known since January that we were to have a daughter, but he wanted to be surprised. The midwife said, "Why don't you have a look, Ryley?" He leaned over and said, "Yep, it's a boy." I snapped my neck in his direction... thinking "could it be?" But the midwife quickly said, "You better check again." And so it was, that Ryley finally had the daughter he has been hoping for.

We had discussed mostly boy names throughout the pregnancy since Ryley was thinking it would be a boy. But when it came to girl names, we each had a name that we were stuck on. And neither of us seemed willing to budge.

I actually came upon the name "Brynja" an hour before we left for the hospital. We had the name "Bryn" on our long list of girl names, but it just wouldn't work for me since the middle name would be "Dawn" after my late mother. "Bryn Dawn Blair," all one syllable names - I was not feeling that. Anyway, "Brynja" is a Scandinavian name that means "armor."

Sweet Brynja is 3 1/2 weeks old now, and we are settling into a new normal. She is such a blessing. I spent years worrying that I would be stuck with a daughter someday, but of course I knew that if I ever had one I would think back to how naive that was. I just love how God plans everything out for us, and while that doesn't mean life will be easy, I feel so loved that He planned this baby girl to be our daughter. We are in love with her, almost as much as big brother Sawyer is! And Sawyer is finally starting to warm back up to me, too... he was not a fan of mine since she was born.

Pancakes

Here's a homemade pancake recipe that I love. I thought I'd post it for safekeeping and to share.

Just-Like-Restaurant Fluffy (Non)Buttermilk Pancakes (makes 8-10 pancakes):

• 1 cup milk
• 1 Tbls white vinegar
• 1 1/4 cup white flour
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 1 Tbls oil
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 1 egg

Directions:

• Pour the milk and vinegar into a small bowl, allow it to sit for a few minutes. This is your buttermilk substitute.
• Meanwhile, pre-heat a skillet over medium-low heat.
• Combine all of the dry ingredients into a bowl and stir.
• Add the egg to the milk bowl, gently mix together. Then pour all of the liquid into the flour bowl.
• Mix the wet and dry ingredients together until most of the lumps are out.
• Lightly grease the pan and pour about 1/4 cup of batter for each pancake. Allow them to cook slowly (it will take a few minutes) and flip once the bottom is golden and the edges start drying out. Once they have been flipped they won’t take long to finish cooking, maybe another minute or so.