It was an emotional day for me. Brynja suddenly transformed from my sleepy, easy baby... to one who wanted lots of attention from 11:00 a.m. to 9:00 p.m. with nothing more than a few catnaps. All I had time for was meeting everyone's basic needs, with the exception of myself. I am eating cucumbers and popsicles for supper as I type because I am too tired for anything else.
It broke my heart to not be able to give my babies my full attention today. Brynja was not happy unless she was being held, and Sawyer was constantly pulling on my hand to go play with him. I did not enjoy leaving Brynja upstairs to cry while I was tucking Sawyer in for the night. And I tried hard not to hurry through bedtime. Sawyer did well considering he was somewhat on his own. But this mama did not.
Ryley and I had a conversation a few nights ago about more babies. I am so blessed to have a husband who shares my desire to have more than two children. But after a day like today, I'm just not sure. Will I be able to give more than 2 or 3 children enough attention to do a good job as a mother?
I'm just praying that tonight is a restful one, and that my heart will be open to whatever God wants to teach me tomorrow.
3 comments:
"But he said to me,"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong" 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Thankfully we don't have to rely simply on our own strength! You are a good mama!! And God's grace abounds and is so richly displayed in our weakness!
Oh, Shannon ... I so understand. I feel like I'm been in that place. Extend yourself Grace, friend. You are beautifully amazing. I'm praying for you.
Don't worry about more children right now. Just focus on the two beautiful children that God has given you. Just try to capture every moment because the newborn baby will be gone so fast. And remember, it is normal for parents to have to divide time between multiple children. It is part of what makes children into normal, healthy adults because they won't always be the center of attention. Trust us, it will get easier, just don't stress out, you are doing a GREAT job! Sending you lots of prayers.
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