After the conference, I feel this fire that has been lit inside me. I have to move. I have to act. But I know there needs to be some time of reflection, and I need to wait for direction. I feel conflicted, refreshed, overwhelmed, inspired...frantic. So while I wait on the Lord to see what the next step is, I read books. I pray. I think. I read blogs, watch videos, spend time in the Word. I care for my sweet baby boy, and when I look into his eyes I think about all the children of the world who don't have a mama. All in the name of Jesus, who paid the price and made the ultimate sacrifice so that I could be adopted into the family of God.
Where do I go from here? Christians are responding...where do I fit in? Will the immediate region I live in be transformed...will they respond? The answer will come in due time.
I have a sense of peace and a sense of panic at the same time. I am heartbroken and hopeful.
The struggle and brokenness of orphans around the world is real. We might not see it in our comfortable little corner of the world. But we must expose ourselves to it. Helpless children are out there. They need a family. Some of them need basic resources. Some of them need protection against very real dangers such as trafficking, neglect, exploitation.
And most of all, they need Christ. The Only ONE who can fully heal their hearts.
I will talk more about what actually happened at the conference when I have it all sorted out. I feel like there's so much I learned, so much I am feeling, so many ideas that I can barely type a coherent sentence.
I look around me and I lead a very rich life. I mean I am wealthy. I have so much more than the vast majority of the world's population.
While I can agonize over the decision of what color shirt to buy...people are suffering. Innocent children who don't have a mama or papa to wipe away their tears, to tell their hopes and dreams to. No mama or papa of their own to comfort them.
While these precious children are on my heart constantly now, and I am constantly aware at my endless supply of resources and how wasteful I am, I found myself at church on Sunday. The theme at the church service was how they need to build an addition to the church. They said things like "The children need a clean, safe place to play. They need to know that their church loves them enough to give them a dedicated area to meet their needs."
Now if you are from my church and you're reading this, and especially if you are part of this "capital campaign," please don't take offense. I care about the children of our church. My son is one of those children. But we are SO RICH. There are children around the world who don't even have a bed to sleep on, much less a family to call their own. I am not trying to say the church shouldn't build an addition...I am not involved enough in the culture of our church. I am basically an outsider, and that has been my own doing. But it just made my stomach turn. To be concerned about the four walls of a building, while there is such a great need beyond those walls. There are greater needs in our community, in our state, greater needs beyond our country. How can we add on to a building when people are starving? How can we not be their hope? How can we stand by when people are dying...physically and spiritually?
And in presenting this campaign to build an addition, it was said "The bankers say we are paying down our existing debt faster than most churches." That was supposed to be a good reason to build. WHO CARES WHAT BANKERS SAY...what does GOD HAVE TO SAY about the debt? What about the cost we will pay for not caring for the orphan, the widow, the foreigner, the hungry, the lost?
Now please, I am not saying this church does not make some attempt to care for those who need Christ. I am really just venting, getting this off my chest. I do love the heart of the people in my church, and while I can be disappointed with things that happen, it is my own fault for not getting involved. And furthermore, I am the worst of sinners. I am selfish, prideful, harsh, and a host of other
undesirable qualities.
But I don't want that anymore. I want Jesus. I want to desire God. I want to do only things that will echo in eternity. I want to say only things that glorify God. Being a "perfect" person is unattainable...but still I long to please my Father in heaven.
SO CUTE!
And the next second, Ben was over it! Haha. Great action shot.
Same picture as the first, but this one was with my camera.
We can't wait to visit Ben's house again!
Sawyer and my godchild, Carli (23 months) (Emily's daughter).
Then, I had the privilege of watching my boss's daughters one evening. Here's Regan (3 1/2) and Sawyer
Sawyer, Regan, Lili (1).
Regan was such a big help...and such a sweetheart to Sawyer! Although she did tell me that next time I come over to play with her, I should get Sawyer a babysitter. :)
