Perspective

I have been really laying low for the past week. People are calling to find out if the baby has arrived yet...and I usually don't answer the phone. So if you're one of those people, please don't take it personally! I will let you know when our firstborn is here as soon as possible, and I appreciate your checking in on me, even if I don't take your call.

I continue to go on long walks with the dogs. I'm running out of things to keep me occupied.

In other non-pregnancy news, Ryley has been working extremely hard, as usual...he typically leaves the house by 6:30 a.m., and if it doesn't rain, he is home between midnight and 1:00 a.m. For those of you who don't know, this is a very busy time of year for him, as he is a grain farmer and he's in the middle of harvest season. On a typical harvest year, they usually start chopping silage (the whole corn plant chopped up to feed cattle or other livestock) around the end of August, then they move into combining the soy beans, and then finally they combine the corn (harvesting the kernels only). On a good year, they are done by Thanksgiving...but that has only happened once in the six years I've been around.

Ryley is farming quite a bit more ground this year. We had a fairly good growing season, although it was a cooler summer and so the crops took longer to mature. We contracted most of our corn to be chopped into silage for a dairy, and our soybeans are non-conventional and will be sold to a company who makes things like soy milk. We had and still do have high hopes for a great harvest. But the weather is being especially difficult this year. As I'm typing this, they are still chopping silage. We don't even have a start on the soybeans yet. We've had rain, snow, and cooler temperatures than normal. Since most of our crop is soybeans this year, it is very worrisome since we don't have a dryer (most grain farmers in our area don't) and so the beans have to be at a certain moisture level for harvest. Just when the beans are close to dry enough, it seems to always rain or snow. And if this keeps happening and we start accumulating snow, we simply cannot harvest our beans. With corn, you can always harvest eventually since: 1) they can be dried at the elevator, and 2) it's a much taller plant and you can typically combine when there's snow on the ground.

The forecast for the next 10 days? 30-60% chances of precipitation. Every day.

Of course, our God is bigger than the forecast. And whatever happens...even if it's the worst case scenario...I believe God will use it for good. But the stress of not knowing does get to me sometimes...and I can't imagine how it feels for Ryley, who has to be out there battling the mud to bring the crop in every day. I really should take some pictures of how the whole thing works so you can get an idea. I did not grow up knowing much about farming, and I am extremely amazed at the work ethic of these men. I am especially impressed by how smart my husband is on so many levels...he has a mind for business, a way with people, and I swear he can fix anything...even if it requires he build a part to fix it. I believe in his abilities with all my heart...but even on a year where he makes all the best decisions and works harder than ever, you are still at the mercy of the weather. And I won't even get into market conditions...food prices and our government...that's a topic for another day.

And so I'm praying for him...such a crucial time of year, and he's out there struggling, pulling the semi trucks through the mud with the Caterpillar tractor...and meanwhile, the people living on the road that borders his fields are hurling obscenities and calling the sheriff...because their road has a little mud on it. Completely irrational, selfish people who don't know what it's like to figure things out for themselves...and apparently have nothing better to worry about. Not many people realize what farmers go through to put cheap food on our tables.

So here I sit, thinking about life and God and how my life will changes completely any day now. I can narrow down my hopes and dreams to two things: that my love for my husband and the strength of our marriage will continue to grow under the Lord's guidance, and that this precious little one will know God and have an even deeper relationship with the Creator than I ever will. I surrender my marriage and this child's life to You, Lord, because it would all be so meaningless without You.

40 weeks + 1 day

I'm past my due date! Wondering if Baby Blair is waiting for the most convenient time to come into the world so papa can get more work done in the field? Never thought I'd say this...but I'm looking forward to the experience! Seems that nothing worth doing is ever easy, anyway. Sweet Ryley likes to pray that I would have no pain...I responded to him after the prayer by saying, "Don't pray for no pain, that won't happen! You should pray that I can manage the pain." I instantly felt regret that I told him what he should and shouldn't pray for. He simply responded by saying, "Well, I don't want you to be in pain, so that's what I'll pray for but God may have something different in mind." I love how things are so simple and straightforward with him.

So if (when) I have pain...I know who to blame for the lack of faith! I couldn't think of anyone else I'd rather go through this with. I wouldn't trade my life for anyone's.

It Takes a Village

I wasn't very good at taking lots of pictures throughout my pregnancy. But here's just a couple that include a few of the people who have made this time in my life extra sweet!

Sister Heather, Chrissy, Nicole, me, Stacy.

Stepsis Rachel, me, Stepma Debi.

Sister Heather, me, Sister Kari. Actually, they are Ryley's sisters :)

I have really enjoyed this time in my life!!!! I've learned so much, and I really found out who cares about me. So thanks to all of you who have been genuinely excited with me, it really wouldn't have been the same without you.

On Coast

It's the day before my due date and I am just enjoying the moment. For the past two weeks I have not felt anxious or overwhelmed, and I am so grateful for that! I feel like I've done a really good job of just appreciating the here and now instead of looking ahead or dwelling on the past...and I have the Lord to thank for that.

I keep the house clean, work on small organization projects, and I'm also working on sewing a microfleece baby blanket.

There are so many things I'm feeling right now...mostly feeling content and in love with Ryley. This has been a season of sitting quietly and listening. I wish I could write down insightful thoughts and feelings, but I just don't feel like it. I just want to wait on the Lord and know that He is good!

Goodbye

On Friday, October 2nd, I found our little Toby dog had passed away in the night.

Toby has been my chihuahua dog since 2001. He used to live in Florida with my stepma, and when she married my dad when I was in college, he came to be mine. He has been through quite a bit with me...through my volatile times at college when I was making a mess of my life, to when I quit school to straighten out. He was there when I met a boy and moved to Indiana to be closer to him. And when that didn't work, we moved to Minnesota where I would later marry that same boy.

His life was all about adjusting to change. I think his longest place he's ever been is in the first house we bought, the house we're in now. Even then, he's watched our family grow as we added dogs to our household.

Within a month after finding out I was pregnant, I had this thought that he wouldn't be here when we brought our firstborn home. In July he began coughing, and the vet told me that it was due to heart failure. As his heart muscle wore out, it became enlarged, and his lungs started filling up with fluid.

With some medications, Toby had a few good months. But we knew he only had months left. He started coughing again, and Ryley was going to take him to the farm to put him out of his misery. But it was cold, rainy, and dark out that week and I was a mess. We let it go for a few days, thinking maybe he'd get better, or at least maybe it'd get nicer outside. Finally enough was enough. Thursday night would be his last night, and so I gave him his favorite dog food casserole. We sat by his basket, petted him and talked about his life.

Friday morning I woke up and found he was gone. I was devastated, I thought I would get to say goodbye one last time. But I am so grateful. He looked so peaceful, just like he had slipped away in his sleep. Ryley was very sweet. I know he was sad, and he made sure the other dogs were able to see that Toby was gone before he took him away to be buried.

He was a good little dog. I'm not a little dog person, but he was meant to fall into my life. I watched his progression from a nervous, anti-social dog because of abuse.....to a very friendly, loyal, and sweet friend. I am grateful that Ryley loved him and gave him so much attention in the 6 years Toby was his dog, too.
Until we meet again someday, my sweet Toby dog. I know I wasn't always the best owner, and sometimes I got frustrated with you. But you loved me all the same. I'll miss you.

5 weeks left

So I'm doing pretty well at blog entries lately! Just a quick update along with a few more pictures from our photo shoot. I have 5 weeks left until my due date. Yesterday I had a meltdown. Remember the crib and dresser/changer combo I ordered? Well we got the crib over a week ago and long story short there was a mistake on the pre-drilling the prevented us from putting it together properly (well, Ryley wanted to weld something to make it work...but I thought for the money we paid, we should have to get creative). Ryley was very impressed that I didn't get angry or anything. So we packaged it up and took it back and we were waiting for a replacement crib.

Yesterday our dresser unit came. We picked it up from the store, and it was a very clumsy box to try and lift (especially for me!). Long story short, we finally get it the room, unwrap it all and I love the way it looks. Until I try to open the drawers. So we had to package that back up as well. That was when I had a meltdown. But I'm sure it will all work out.... :)

Anyway, here's a few more finished pictures.

Photo Preview

A preview of the portraits that a dear, talented friend shot for us last Friday. In case you're wondering, I am 33 1/2 weeks in these. We started out thinking we would never get any nice pictures because Ryley and I couldn't stop laughing! We had a fun time though. Ryley was very sweet and patient (he thinks taking pictures is dumb...he said he doesn't need pictures and remembers everything in his mind...haha). But I definitely think that between our creative friend and how cute and happy Ryley looks, it's already a success! Can't wait to see the rest of them!

Sweet Summertime

Still Shocked...

So apparently I have less than 7 weeks to go until my due date. Not a day has gone by that I don't think "Is this really happening?" I am in awe daily of what God has done.

It has been something like 24 weeks since I became aware of the life I will bring into this world. It has been quite a ride. I can say that Ryley and I have been savoring the last months of "just us," living in the moment yet still looking forward to what is to come. For me, it has been a time of reflection on my life. How did the way I was raised affect who I am today? And how will my personality affect my child? What are my hopes and dreams for this child? So many things to ponder and think on, so much to look forward to, so much to be thankful for.

Of course, thinking about becoming a mother makes me think about the type of mother I had. It has become so real to me how much she put her whole heart into her children. How both my mom and dad spent so much time with us. I think about how my brother and I played sports year-round, and there was never a game at home or away where we didn't have a parent there to watch. Both of my parents also coached us. How amazing is that?

I have been enjoying the small things along the way during this pregnancy. I haven't taken for granted the days I have been able to sleep in. Or how easy it is to spend time swimming or going on walks with my sweet dogs. The way Ryley looks at me, and how he pats my belly each morning when he kisses me goodbye. Countless blessings and sweet moments.

Ryley has been working so very hard. He acquired a lot more land this crop season compared with the last. He has been working anywhere between 60-100 hours just about all summer, and he is just gearing up for fall harvest, his busiest time of the year. He also became a seed representative, which will bring him more work starting this winter and in the years to come. It has been stressful; I wish he could come with to every doctor appointment and be there at night to help me with the things I want done before the baby is here. But we do what we can, and we know it will all work out just fine.

This past weekend I was richly blessed with a visit from my dad and Debi. My dad is always very eager to do things for us around the house. He washed all the windows inside and out, mowed the lawn, cleaned out the entire garage, put some pictures on the wall, and completed countless other small cleaning and fixing projects. Debi blessed me with great conversation, helped me clean out the nursery and paint it. I feel so much more content and less overwhelmed by everything they got done! They both have generous servant hearts.

And so, that is where I'm at. Yesterday I ordered the crib and changing tower...even though we don't plan to have the baby in the nursery for a few months. But you always have to keep your plan flexible, right? Anyway, it was exciting and relieving to have that decision out of the way.

June

Here's what we've been up to. We had the privilege of standing up in Ryley's youngest sister's wedding on June 5th. It was amazing to watch these two young people join their lives together for God's glory...I met Heather when she was 15 and I was 20, and she has become a beautiful young woman, inside and out. Her husband, BJ, has been a great addition to the family, and we absolutely adore him. I am so thankful for Heather and BJ as my family...and it makes life that much sweeter when they are also a few of my dearest friends!

I was 20 weeks pregnant over the wedding weekend, in case you were wondering. Here's another picture of my "progress"...this one was at 19 weeks (in May).

And so June has proved to be an eventful month. I am now 27 years old. And 5 years ago today was our wedding day.

It's been an amazing 5th year of marriage; I'd say our best yet. We grew up a lot, pursued starting a family, and I have an even deeper love and respect for my dear husband. I'm almost 23 weeks pregnant now, and we have shared so many life-changing moments in these past 12 months...like the first time he felt the baby moving 5 weeks ago, or farther back when we were dreaming of our child who we thought lived in a distant land. I'm excited to see what God has planned for us. And I'm looking forward to many more years with the man I love most in this world.