Goodbye

On Friday, October 2nd, I found our little Toby dog had passed away in the night.

Toby has been my chihuahua dog since 2001. He used to live in Florida with my stepma, and when she married my dad when I was in college, he came to be mine. He has been through quite a bit with me...through my volatile times at college when I was making a mess of my life, to when I quit school to straighten out. He was there when I met a boy and moved to Indiana to be closer to him. And when that didn't work, we moved to Minnesota where I would later marry that same boy.

His life was all about adjusting to change. I think his longest place he's ever been is in the first house we bought, the house we're in now. Even then, he's watched our family grow as we added dogs to our household.

Within a month after finding out I was pregnant, I had this thought that he wouldn't be here when we brought our firstborn home. In July he began coughing, and the vet told me that it was due to heart failure. As his heart muscle wore out, it became enlarged, and his lungs started filling up with fluid.

With some medications, Toby had a few good months. But we knew he only had months left. He started coughing again, and Ryley was going to take him to the farm to put him out of his misery. But it was cold, rainy, and dark out that week and I was a mess. We let it go for a few days, thinking maybe he'd get better, or at least maybe it'd get nicer outside. Finally enough was enough. Thursday night would be his last night, and so I gave him his favorite dog food casserole. We sat by his basket, petted him and talked about his life.

Friday morning I woke up and found he was gone. I was devastated, I thought I would get to say goodbye one last time. But I am so grateful. He looked so peaceful, just like he had slipped away in his sleep. Ryley was very sweet. I know he was sad, and he made sure the other dogs were able to see that Toby was gone before he took him away to be buried.

He was a good little dog. I'm not a little dog person, but he was meant to fall into my life. I watched his progression from a nervous, anti-social dog because of abuse.....to a very friendly, loyal, and sweet friend. I am grateful that Ryley loved him and gave him so much attention in the 6 years Toby was his dog, too.
Until we meet again someday, my sweet Toby dog. I know I wasn't always the best owner, and sometimes I got frustrated with you. But you loved me all the same. I'll miss you.