6 weeks old

Lounging around with Papa and watching some football.

Starting to resemble me a little bit! At first I think he looked so much like Ryley, but now it depends who's holding him...what do you think?

Napping after church.

Trying out yet another infant seat...Macy is always closeby, watching her boy.

Thank God for Little Boys

I have always thought it would be best for me to be a mother of boys. In analyzing my feelings, personality, and life perspectives, I have so many reasons why. Maybe it's because I was awful to my mother and so I am afraid of having a daughter...because what goes around, comes around, right? And while I do love looking pretty, expensive shampoos, and nice cosmetics, those who know me best would agree I am a tomboy by nature. I always dreamed of having sons and going to their football games. And fine, I'll admit it...the idea of having all sons seems like the perfect setting so I can be "queen of the castle."

So when God did a number on our plans for starting a family, I was sure I was done for. We were not able to choose the gender of the child we thought we'd adopt since we would be first-time parents, and almost all perspective adoptive families end up with a boy. Which was great for me. But the Lord planned for me to be pregnant, and I was sure (and terrified) that it would be a girl since He often changes everything with His plans.

In the weeks before I know the gender of our baby, I resolved that God's plans are always particularly amazing and perfect. So I had a peace about the baby girl I thought I would have.

Praise God for Sawyer. A perfect baby boy, just like I've always dreamed of. Sawyer is such a wonder, more beautiful than I ever thought a child could be. I know, I'm his mama so I'm inclined to think he's beautiful.

But look at him in his winter hat. Proof of why I'm so in love with this boy.

So in love that I dread the thought of being away from him for two hours to get a haircut.

And during this Christmas season, as I'm realizing what parenthood does to one's perspective, how it has changed my heart.....I am in awe of the miracle of my Savior's birth.

My Sweet Little Boy

Sawyer is 5 1/2 weeks old already, and time is absolutely flying by. These pictures were taken when he was 2 weeks old by an amazing friend of mine. He is such a sweet baby. He sleeps well at night and is very happy during the day, not fussy at all. Sometimes he gets into moods where he just squirms around a lot and squawks, but he's not into crying. Having a baby is a lot of work, but I didn't think a baby could be this mild mannered!

He has been smiling for a few weeks now, every day a little more. I can't even put into words how I feel about him and about life. I am just so in love and content being home with him.

The only thing I've been disappointed with is the fact that Ryley is still in the field and isn't home much. He sees him about twice a week (Sawyer and I are usually sleeping when he comes home and when he leaves again). Sundays are the only family day we get to have. It just makes me sad that I'm the only one who is witnessing every detail of the changes in Sawyer.

I already want him to stay little forever! He is such a blessing, and this time in my life is more amazing than I could have imagined.

Sawyer JD Blair

Sawyer JD Blair was born Thursday, October 29th at 5:32 pm. Details later...haven't had time to post because we have both had some setbacks, but we are at home and happy!

STILL. PREGNANT.

I never thought I would be frustrated with this! Now from what I've heard, I've really had it easy compared to other women I know who have gone through pregnancy. And I am still grateful for that.

But today I woke up and I felt like I had been hit by a semi.

Stiff joints, swollen hands and feet, nausea...that's half of my complaints.

When I saw my doctor on Monday, she offered to schedule an induction for this Friday, Oct. 30th. I declined, as I know that being induced typically makes for a more intense labor. After all, I was making progress from the week before (if you know what I mean). So I was supposed to see my doctor again on Friday for an appointment...but she said if she had to guess, she would see me before then. She's right...she will be seeing me today...I only wish it was because I was in labor. I am impatient and I want to know if I've made any more progress...so not a total defeat, right? I mean, I just want to know....

Today is Wednesday. And this baby should come now so I don't have to be in the hospital on Sunday. I need to be watching football at home, where I belong. ;)

And with my last sentence, you can know that I am teetering on the edge of being rational. I really look forward to being in labor. Now I've really lost my mind! Haha.

Perspective

I have been really laying low for the past week. People are calling to find out if the baby has arrived yet...and I usually don't answer the phone. So if you're one of those people, please don't take it personally! I will let you know when our firstborn is here as soon as possible, and I appreciate your checking in on me, even if I don't take your call.

I continue to go on long walks with the dogs. I'm running out of things to keep me occupied.

In other non-pregnancy news, Ryley has been working extremely hard, as usual...he typically leaves the house by 6:30 a.m., and if it doesn't rain, he is home between midnight and 1:00 a.m. For those of you who don't know, this is a very busy time of year for him, as he is a grain farmer and he's in the middle of harvest season. On a typical harvest year, they usually start chopping silage (the whole corn plant chopped up to feed cattle or other livestock) around the end of August, then they move into combining the soy beans, and then finally they combine the corn (harvesting the kernels only). On a good year, they are done by Thanksgiving...but that has only happened once in the six years I've been around.

Ryley is farming quite a bit more ground this year. We had a fairly good growing season, although it was a cooler summer and so the crops took longer to mature. We contracted most of our corn to be chopped into silage for a dairy, and our soybeans are non-conventional and will be sold to a company who makes things like soy milk. We had and still do have high hopes for a great harvest. But the weather is being especially difficult this year. As I'm typing this, they are still chopping silage. We don't even have a start on the soybeans yet. We've had rain, snow, and cooler temperatures than normal. Since most of our crop is soybeans this year, it is very worrisome since we don't have a dryer (most grain farmers in our area don't) and so the beans have to be at a certain moisture level for harvest. Just when the beans are close to dry enough, it seems to always rain or snow. And if this keeps happening and we start accumulating snow, we simply cannot harvest our beans. With corn, you can always harvest eventually since: 1) they can be dried at the elevator, and 2) it's a much taller plant and you can typically combine when there's snow on the ground.

The forecast for the next 10 days? 30-60% chances of precipitation. Every day.

Of course, our God is bigger than the forecast. And whatever happens...even if it's the worst case scenario...I believe God will use it for good. But the stress of not knowing does get to me sometimes...and I can't imagine how it feels for Ryley, who has to be out there battling the mud to bring the crop in every day. I really should take some pictures of how the whole thing works so you can get an idea. I did not grow up knowing much about farming, and I am extremely amazed at the work ethic of these men. I am especially impressed by how smart my husband is on so many levels...he has a mind for business, a way with people, and I swear he can fix anything...even if it requires he build a part to fix it. I believe in his abilities with all my heart...but even on a year where he makes all the best decisions and works harder than ever, you are still at the mercy of the weather. And I won't even get into market conditions...food prices and our government...that's a topic for another day.

And so I'm praying for him...such a crucial time of year, and he's out there struggling, pulling the semi trucks through the mud with the Caterpillar tractor...and meanwhile, the people living on the road that borders his fields are hurling obscenities and calling the sheriff...because their road has a little mud on it. Completely irrational, selfish people who don't know what it's like to figure things out for themselves...and apparently have nothing better to worry about. Not many people realize what farmers go through to put cheap food on our tables.

So here I sit, thinking about life and God and how my life will changes completely any day now. I can narrow down my hopes and dreams to two things: that my love for my husband and the strength of our marriage will continue to grow under the Lord's guidance, and that this precious little one will know God and have an even deeper relationship with the Creator than I ever will. I surrender my marriage and this child's life to You, Lord, because it would all be so meaningless without You.

40 weeks + 1 day

I'm past my due date! Wondering if Baby Blair is waiting for the most convenient time to come into the world so papa can get more work done in the field? Never thought I'd say this...but I'm looking forward to the experience! Seems that nothing worth doing is ever easy, anyway. Sweet Ryley likes to pray that I would have no pain...I responded to him after the prayer by saying, "Don't pray for no pain, that won't happen! You should pray that I can manage the pain." I instantly felt regret that I told him what he should and shouldn't pray for. He simply responded by saying, "Well, I don't want you to be in pain, so that's what I'll pray for but God may have something different in mind." I love how things are so simple and straightforward with him.

So if (when) I have pain...I know who to blame for the lack of faith! I couldn't think of anyone else I'd rather go through this with. I wouldn't trade my life for anyone's.

It Takes a Village

I wasn't very good at taking lots of pictures throughout my pregnancy. But here's just a couple that include a few of the people who have made this time in my life extra sweet!

Sister Heather, Chrissy, Nicole, me, Stacy.

Stepsis Rachel, me, Stepma Debi.

Sister Heather, me, Sister Kari. Actually, they are Ryley's sisters :)

I have really enjoyed this time in my life!!!! I've learned so much, and I really found out who cares about me. So thanks to all of you who have been genuinely excited with me, it really wouldn't have been the same without you.

On Coast

It's the day before my due date and I am just enjoying the moment. For the past two weeks I have not felt anxious or overwhelmed, and I am so grateful for that! I feel like I've done a really good job of just appreciating the here and now instead of looking ahead or dwelling on the past...and I have the Lord to thank for that.

I keep the house clean, work on small organization projects, and I'm also working on sewing a microfleece baby blanket.

There are so many things I'm feeling right now...mostly feeling content and in love with Ryley. This has been a season of sitting quietly and listening. I wish I could write down insightful thoughts and feelings, but I just don't feel like it. I just want to wait on the Lord and know that He is good!

Goodbye

On Friday, October 2nd, I found our little Toby dog had passed away in the night.

Toby has been my chihuahua dog since 2001. He used to live in Florida with my stepma, and when she married my dad when I was in college, he came to be mine. He has been through quite a bit with me...through my volatile times at college when I was making a mess of my life, to when I quit school to straighten out. He was there when I met a boy and moved to Indiana to be closer to him. And when that didn't work, we moved to Minnesota where I would later marry that same boy.

His life was all about adjusting to change. I think his longest place he's ever been is in the first house we bought, the house we're in now. Even then, he's watched our family grow as we added dogs to our household.

Within a month after finding out I was pregnant, I had this thought that he wouldn't be here when we brought our firstborn home. In July he began coughing, and the vet told me that it was due to heart failure. As his heart muscle wore out, it became enlarged, and his lungs started filling up with fluid.

With some medications, Toby had a few good months. But we knew he only had months left. He started coughing again, and Ryley was going to take him to the farm to put him out of his misery. But it was cold, rainy, and dark out that week and I was a mess. We let it go for a few days, thinking maybe he'd get better, or at least maybe it'd get nicer outside. Finally enough was enough. Thursday night would be his last night, and so I gave him his favorite dog food casserole. We sat by his basket, petted him and talked about his life.

Friday morning I woke up and found he was gone. I was devastated, I thought I would get to say goodbye one last time. But I am so grateful. He looked so peaceful, just like he had slipped away in his sleep. Ryley was very sweet. I know he was sad, and he made sure the other dogs were able to see that Toby was gone before he took him away to be buried.

He was a good little dog. I'm not a little dog person, but he was meant to fall into my life. I watched his progression from a nervous, anti-social dog because of abuse.....to a very friendly, loyal, and sweet friend. I am grateful that Ryley loved him and gave him so much attention in the 6 years Toby was his dog, too.
Until we meet again someday, my sweet Toby dog. I know I wasn't always the best owner, and sometimes I got frustrated with you. But you loved me all the same. I'll miss you.